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“When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. “It’s all right” we whisper, “I’m here, I love you.” and we lie: “I’ll never leave you.” For just a moment or two the darkness doesn’t seem so bad.”
— Neil Gaiman, Neil Gaiman’s Midnight Days
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
Friday, September 6, 2013 @ 9:45 AM

Its almost 2am in the morning and I had only finished a shift at work around a few hours ago and I really don't know why I'm still awake especially when my ankles hurt and its such a struggle to stay awake. anyways, while at work I had rather an interesting conversation with my manager about life in general and its just sparked alot things in my mind and what not. I really should be sleeping, let alone studying for my the LAST TWO TESTS of my prelims!!!! It's kinda relieving that I only have two tests left. I really should sleep considering that I slept at 3 yesterday then ended up waking up at like 2pm today... lol which is rather ridiculous cause I woke up and got ready then headed straight to work. wasted one whole day. zz but I really just feel like blogging and blogspot isn't working on my computer for some reason so I'm typing this up on the blogger app on my phone. 

 I would like to call myself an atheist, however I just absorb so much other random beliefs or explanations humans have managed to come up with to explain things that happen, such as miracles, etc etc. which isn't necessarily good cause like ghosts, exorcism etc i believe in too. zzz. what my manager talked to me about was, well one of the topics she talked to me about was 'settling age' I always thought it was around the early 30s or so but really I should be around 25 I guess cause like you get married for a few years then think about children right? I WOULDNT KNOW LOL. but it's kind of the age where you settle and wonder if you'll ever find 'the one' will you get married, will you have children, is the job you have now stable enough for whatever the future chucks at you etc. etc. This rather makes me even more scared about the future, because if I don't get into uni I really don't know what to do. To be honest I actually don't know why or how I'm suppose to do alot of things in life, usually I need someone else to explain my own thoughts and feelings to myself. Hence why growing up is so scary, no ones there to tell you what to do. At least during school you know all you have to do is study and go to school. then what the hell do you do when school finishes.... what if you don't get into uni? What then. even if you do get into uni and finish your courses there is also finding the job. Growing up comes all these things I am not prepared for at all. 

I probably have watched too many movies and really think too much about random stuff like this. But with the settling age comes 'whether or not to marry right?' Honestly how do you know which one is right one to spend the rest of your life with. Even if you do find the right one, it is spending the rest of your life with them. The way I see it is that most families just keep within the family and aren't really close with friends anymore. will friendships from now last till then? Will your children be best friends with your current best friends children? I probably shouldn't be thinking about this stuff because I'm only 16. (LOLOLOLOLOLOL) but I am in year 11 and random stuff like this stress me out sometimes. (Perks of being an overthinker)

Another thing I wonder about is are there such things as soulmates? LOL like I said I'm a sponge and absorb and believe in most things and haven't really settled into one religion, or maybe I just won't settle into one at all. but honestly, with the whole settling age thing kinda ties with this whole soulmate business right? You settle and begin to think about marriage and finding that one. Can you imagine if the world was made up so that there is always that other half made perfectly for you waiting for you find. That the world is made so maybe you might marry whom you may think is the one but that one is not the other half the world made perfectly for you? after all no one exactly know the origins of life, let alone why humans exist, why this and why that. Christians will probably cause god knows haha. (Okay bad joke, sorry if I offended anyone lol) anyways, this whole 'soulmate business' which I honestly should stop wondering about (simply cause it's stubborn and stupid lolz) is probably provoked by the endless amount of imaginary OTPs on my head. by that  I mean all the OTPs in movies and all that stuff. Cause the other day I came by this picture from spirited away and it got me thinking. Cause this was when the main character (I forgot her jap name lol) has grown up but goes back to that bath house place and visits the boy who cared and protected her. IT'S LIKE OMG GET TOGETHER ALREADY BUT THEY NEVER GOT TOGETHER IN THE FILM. how disappointing. 

 well at least I don't have to think about the weather. It's getting hotter which I'm very glad about cause I love it when the weathers warm enough to walk around in shorts and like a shirt and not feel cold or be warm enough to sit in the shade and not feel cold cause I'm like the biggest sucker for cold weather LOL. As much as I love to cuddle and drink hot drinks yeah no. LOL. But it does make working at Maccas 50 times hotter than it already is. I worked like an hour or so at back area today and I almost died. Like that heat holy shit. but at least it's spring! I see all these pretty flowers blooming and it just brightens up my day alot. I took pictures which ill shove into this post but since I'm on the blogger app it'll probably screw up my layout cause MY NORMAL BLOGGER STILL ISN'T WORKING. /sigh. How annoying. they're pretty shit photos anyway since they were taken from my iPhone lol. omg it's almost three I really should go to bed. can't wait till my exams are over. hopefully next time I post my blogger will work, so I wouldn't have to use this frustrating app zzz 

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